Private Hells

We all have our own private hells
Constructed from our fears and dreams
We blanket ourselves in darkness
And embrace each misdeed

Throwing off the covers of despair would show us the light
But the light just amplifies our own shortcomings

The choice is to stand in front of the mirror of the soul
To accept and forgive

or to remain in sweet penetrating darkness and sleep the sleep of helplessness

in dreams

She comes unbidden to my dreams
Fiery hair, beguiling eyes, mischevious smile

She says nothing but seduces with her silence
A quiet girl with a fount of passion underneath

Standing still her promises are spoken through her soul
Eternal peace and contentment can be yours

The price is losing yourself in her eyes

Never to return

[]

We can learn a lot from a duck

Did you ever watch a duck on a pond?

They glide across the surface of the water effortlessly. Calmly moving without a care in the world.

What we don't see is the duck's feet pedalling quickly under the water.

It's the work we don't see that propels us forward.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

Slow Cooker Black Bean Stoup

It's 22 degrees here in sunny Jacksonville, Florida and that's perfect stick to your ribs soup weather. I had a bag of dried black beans and I love black bean soup so I decided to search the web (mostly food.com and a google search) for a recipe. I didn't find any that I liked so I opened my cupboards and refrigerator and played mad scientist. It came out pretty good. Feel free to try it and let me know what you think.

Slow Cooker Black Bean Stoup

1 16oz bag dried black beans
6 cups chicken stock
1 medium yellow onion (diced)
3 cloves garlic (sliced thin)
1 15oz can tomato sauce
1 carrot (shredded)
1 jalapeno (de-veined and de-seeded, diced)
3 tbsp chili powder
1 tbsp cumin
2 tbsp paprika
2 tbsp Kosher salt
pepper

2 bags Boil in Bag rice
tortilla chips (for garnish)
sour cream (for garnish)

Rinse and sort black beans. Place beans in slow cooker with three cups of chicken stock. Cook on high for two hours.
Add rest of chicken stock, vegetables, spices and tomato sauce. Stir soup mixture. Continue to cook on high for four to five hours. Puree soup in batches in blender or directly in the slow cooker with an immersion blender.

Serve over rice and garnish with tortilla chips and sour cream.

Serves approximately four.

The Secret

The secret knowledge of the world is available to those who seek it
It matters not if you are a prince, pauper, beggar or thief
You need only to know how to ask your interest to pique it
You can change yourself - grow a new leaf

Alchemy is not about turning led into gold
It's not about getting rich
It's about transforming the young from the old
Soothing your soul and finding your niche

Do these things and you will find
You've become the Belle of the ball
And you will realize in your own mind -

There is no secret at all

The Jacksonville Social Tarot Club

Ever since my separation and divorce I've become a bit of a Hermit. That would be the Major Arcana card that would best represent me. I know I need to come out of my shell and socialize again. To that end I started a Tarot Meetup Group in Jacksonville. The group went public this morning and our first get together is scheduled for January 25th.

If you are anywhere near Jacksonville, FL in the afternoon that day, join us. Grab a cup of java and join the fun.

The Jacksonville Social Tarot Club

The Soft White Underbelly of Christmas

I know Christmas is a time of joy, love and family. A time of Peace on Earth and Goodwill towards Man. But there is another face to Christmas. One that is not shown on television, in Norman Rockwell portraits, or found in church pews. For many Christmas is a reminder of loss, of pain. It is a time that, by it's very family orientation; reminds people of what they lost. Or indeed, never had.

I discovered this one Christmas Eve when I was dealing with my own demons. I couldn't sleep and instead of thoughts of sugarplums dancing in my head my mind was filled with images of murder and suicide. This scared me. After throwing a bottle of pills across the room I ran outside for some fresh air.

I stepped into the cold frigid early morning. The icy rain pelting my skin. I was greeted first by the cries of my upstairs neighbor. She was shrieking. Soul ripping cries of pain, beseeching God to, "bring him back. Please bring him back." I imagined she was clutching a pillow and davening. Thinking about a son or her husband.

As I walked around my community more cries assaulted my ears. A couple fighting. A mother crying. People drowning their pain in bottles. Everywhere there was despair and emptiness. These people, who plastered smiles on their face during the daytime, were living their own private hells on Christmas Eve.

After twenty minutes or so, I returned inside to the roaring silence. Alone, in the dark and in my own misery, I said a silent prayer for those like me. For those who Christmas is not a joyous remembrance.

That night was three years ago and still I remember. I no longer can look upon the holiday season as a warm embrace. From that night on I view Christmas with a touch of melancholia. Saddened, but still grateful for what I have.

Please remember your blessings not only on Christmas Day but everyday. Be grateful for your health and happiness and family.

Celebrate the fullness of your lives. And take time to remember the silent cries of those less fortunate.