The Not So Straight Path To Spiritual Awakening

Spiritual awakening is not a one size fits all purchase. It's not a one and done event. The universe has a way of stretching you to meet your higher self. Even if you believe you are enlightened you will find there is still more to learn and share and teach.

My awakening started in 1988. I was 22 and was in a car accident that broke both my legs. The doctor's told me the damage was so bad that if I was hit by an American car, as opposed to a Nissan Sentra, the best I could have hoped for was paralysis. As it was, I would be able to walk again after intense physical therapy but I would always have a limp.

The doctor's were right. After three years of therapy, setbacks and challenges I was able to walk on my own without the aid of crutches, canes or walkers.

It was not a smooth journey. A few months after the accident my fiancee left me. Six months into healing, my bones were not knitting together as they should. After a year, my ankles were still weak. After two years the rod in my leg used to stabilize the bone was forcing it's way out. Even though everyone assured me this was impossible, it was happening and a second surgery was planned to remove the rod.

It was during those years my journey began. All the esoteric questions of "Who am I?", "Why am I?" were asked. As well as "How come bad shit happens to me? What did I do to deserve this?"

I started to read. I read everything. The Old Testament, the New Testament, and the Koran. I read about the Eastern philosophies of Buddhism, Taoism and Zen. I studied the works of Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung. I read Greek, Roman, Norse and Celtic mythologies, and the stories of Arthur and Merlin. Two books clicked with me and started to codify my beliefs into a way of life. Conversations with God by Neal Donald Walsh and Many Lives, Many Masters by Brain L Weiss, MD. It was Many Lives, Many Masters where I had my "Aha!!" moment.

Many Lives, Many Masters tells the story of Catherine, a patient of Dr. Weiss' who was undergoing hypnotherapy. During a session Catherine was regressed back to a past life. This was Dr. Weiss' first exposure to reincarnation and started him down his own spiritual path.

During one session Catherine was regressed to her death. While waiting for her to progress to her next life Dr. Weiss was startled to hear her start speaking in another voice. "Our task is to learn, to become God-like through knowledge. We know so little ... By knowledge we approach God, and then we can rest.  Then we come back to teach and help others."

It was like a lightbulb went off in my head! This made sense to me. My soul started to sing. This was truth. For years I went to temple and for a few I went to church, but nothing taught to me there felt as right as the statement I just read. A calm peace descended on me. I had reached my first spiritual plateau.

But not the last.

As soon as my therapy progressed to the point were I could hobble along with a walker I started to socialize again. It was during this time I met my friend Deana. Deana was full of life with wicked eyes, a big smile and an infectious laugh. I was drawn to her immediately.

We started to hang out and visit new age and metaphysical bookstores. She loved crystals and I would like anything she did to get her to notice me beyond friendship. One night I watched as she read tarot cards for a bunch of her friends. "Here was a way in," I thought. "I could buy a tarot deck and ask her for lessons."

I ran out and bought The Merlin Tarot but when I asked if she could teach me Deana confided that she really didn't believe in tarot. She memorized the meanings from a book and put on a good show for some pocket money. I was crushed. I tried to teach myself but my heart wasn't in it. Still, the seed was planted for a later spiritual opening.

Many years passed and I had a on again, off again relationship with tarot. I found other ways to quell my spiritual searching. I discovered Tony Robbins through a late night infomercial and bought his Personal Power CD series. Through his CDs and books I discovered how my mind works and how to train it. I learned about anchors and pattern interrupts.  I attended Tony's Unleash The Power Within seminar, as well as Life Mastery in Cancun, Mexico. I swam with dolphins and walked over 40 feet of hot coals.

At the same time I was learning about neuro-conditioning, I was reading the Conversations With God dialogs. The section where God explains The Tools of Creation and the Secret to Manifestation sounded a lot like what Tony was teaching in his CDs, especially his goal setting CD. I started to wonder how they could be so similar.

I also started to study Kabbalah and was learning about the Tree of Life. The diagram of the Tree of Life looked familiar to me. I grabbed my old Merlin Tarot deck off the shelf and pulled out the diagram cards that referred to the Three Spheres of the World and The Two Serpents. The images were the same!! The Tree of Life was identical to the images of the Two Serpents! The Three Spheres of the World hit the same major co-joined places. My second plateau was reached. Everything is the same. Or more correctly, one. Different cultures or times may call it different things based on understanding, but it's all the same. The only difference between spirituality, science, and magic is your level of understanding.

In 1999, I met the woman who would become my wife. I moved down to Jacksonville, Florida and in January of 2001 we wed. My wife came from a Baptist background so my tarot cards had to go back on the shelf. Even though my wife's family was Baptist, it seemed the women in her family shared a psychic gift, Her Grandmother was extremely empathic, her mother was precognitive and the best damn diagnostician I ever met. My wife could feel spirits. We spent many nights early in the marriage sharing experiences.

One night while my wife was showering, I was in the office on the computer. I felt a heaviness and a coldness hit me. Something felt off. I looked around and the office felt different. I sensed a presence of a girl. The wall behind the daybed was now redbrick. It was white painted drywall. The room felt hazy, as if it was between time and outside of reality. I walked over and felt the now brick wall. My fingers tingled. I heard my wife call me and answered I was in the office. I still searched the wall for the girl I was feeling. After around twenty minutes the trancelike feelings passed and I left the office to join my wife in the den. I found her sitting on the couch, drying her hair. She wanted to know why I was upstairs for over an hour!

"Why didn't you join me in the office," I asked.

Katie replied, "I walked in the office. You weren't there."

Another spiritual level reached. Although this one freaked me out.

In 2006 Katie and I separated, I was hearing the siren call of my Merlin Tarot but had not yet given into desire. "Why bother," I thought. "In almost ten years I've never connected with that deck."

I was walking my dog around the apartment complex and started to chit chat with an old Greek woman named Anne. It turns out Anne was a neighbor who lived across the parking lot. She had heard about my separation and told me she was sorry. She told me to bring Abbey back inside and then come over for a cup of coffee.

We were sitting on her patio smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. I was unburdening myself of the miasma of mixed feeling I had towards my wife and the separation. Anne suddenly turned to me and asked, "Do you read the tarot cards?"

I was stunned. I never said anything about tarot and I just met this old woman 30 minutes prior. I told her I tried many times and was thinking about trying again. "Do it, " she said. "You have the gift. It's very strong."

That night I hopped on Amazon and bought my first Rider Waite tarot deck and a number of tarot books, including 78 Degrees of Wisdom by Rachel Pollack. I started the climb to spiritual plateau number four. It is years later and I have developed my empathic and intuitive gifts. I think I am reaching the top of that plateau.

But now life has let me now it's ready to ascend to another level of Spirituality. I have started a Spiritual  and Tarot Consulting business. It is slow going and I have thought seriously about going back to a corporate 9 to 5 job.

I can feel I'm at a turning point and feel my logical self fighting with spiritual, psychic side. The universe has sent me several people to help me with my latest transition. Although I did not realize it until tonight, God has placed several woman in my path over the last few months. Each of the women are further along their spiritual and creative paths than me and each are here to help me, heal me, and teach me.

It's scary. This change feels different and more impactful then the others. Still, it looks like it's time to break the chrysalis and be reborn once again.

Thank you ladies. And be gentle.